Setting the Traps

Gosh, it has been two months since my last entry.  This is going to be a long one so get your coffee and pull up a comfortable chair. I'll pick up where I left off.

Christmas.  Let's talk about Christmas.  Dana, Dan and I went to a Christmas tree lot and bought a tree.  We NEVER do that.  We have always gone to a tree farm and cut our own.  This year we couldn't bring ourselves to follow our old tradition.  We bought a beautiful tree but it sat in the corner for 2 weeks before we could bring ourselves to decorate it.

Christmas Day, I woke up about 7 a.m. I walked into the great room and turned on the tree lights.  Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a bud vase holding a single, red rose on the the table nearby.  Curious, I turned the tag and it said, "To: Debbie From: Denny". Tears sprang to my eyes.  I recognized the handwriting as Dan's.

The kids didn't get up until 10 a.m. (Such a change from their younger days!) I asked Dan about the rose.  He said, "I promised Dad he wouldn't be forgotten." What a sweet heart my son has!  We began to open presents but the feeling was not the same.  There was a huge void. We tried to make it festive but the absence of Superman was hard.

In the days that followed, I was deep in thought.  My job at the hospital was getting increasingly difficult for me.  An end-of-life case came in that affected me deeply. The faces of the patient's family sent me spiraling down into a dark place.  Even though I love my co-workers tremendously, I was going through the motions of living; not healing.

I have always told my kids, "If there is something in your life you don't like, then change it."  So I did.  I resigned from my job and got busy.  My "thinking" time had come to an end and I had a new plan in place.  I looked at the numbers and decided to put my house up for sale and move to Alabama. Denny and I talked about this before he died.  I've decided to look forward and see where this path leads. The house needs to have a few things fixed.  I'm working on getting it ready for market.  Between that and managing 2 puppies, 2 adult dogs, 1 cat and 3 chickens, I've been kept very busy!

The kids went back to school and got back into the game.  Dan ran for an office in the IFC Cabinet and, I'm proud to say, he is now the Co-Director of Recruitment.  The IFC Cabinet, as I understand, is the governing body for all of the 29 fraternities at Auburn University. War Eagle, Dan! Dana had been selected for the job shadowing program at University of Alabama.  She was set to shadow a pediatrician.  She was also selected to mentor a beginning pre-med student through the Capstone Honor College. Roll Tide, Dana!

Funny thing about plans, though.  Sometimes, they don't go as smoothly as envisioned.  Dana had called me a little over a week ago saying she was sick.  She complained of running a fever for 3 days in a row of 102-103.  I told her to go to the Student Health center.  She was getting ready for her sorority's biggest event of the year; the Anchor Ball.  Kyle, Dana's boyfriend, drove down from Tennessee.  She got news from the health center that she had Mono.  By Sunday, Dana's skin and eyes were yellow.  Kyle called and said I needed to come down.  She was so weak she couldn't get herself a drink of water and he didn't want to leave her.

I jumped in my SUV and got to Tuscaloosa as soon as I could.  Kyle and I took her to the ER and she was admitted.  She was in the hospital for 3 days getting hydration.  Blood tests determined that she had stress-induced mono, jaundice and acute hepatitis.  The hepatitis is a general type; not A, B or C.  The doctor put her on medical leave for the rest of the semester.  When she was discharged from the hospital, I brought her home to Tennessee.  She is resting comfortably at home. Kyle is a gem and helps take care of her so I can work on getting the house ready.

I miss Denny every day.  I know that Superman is up in heaven; not suffering and visiting with people he has not seen in years. I also know I have to go forward in life without him and that is the hard part.  Grief, to me, is like a small, ferocious animal.  It sinks it's teeth into you from the inside out.  Some days, it really gets a grip and other days, it is quiet. In my mind, I visualize myself fighting it off.  I'm setting the traps!

They say time does not stand still.  It is dynamic; always in motion.  I'm hoping it will keep propelling me forward,  Each day gets a little easier.  I will miss Superman the rest of my life.  I will miss him when our kids graduate from college.  I will miss him when they marry and have children.  However, I have to remember that I'm living for both of us from here on out so I'm going to make it count...

Two Months

Yesterday, I was talking to my friend, Dorothy, about how much I missed writing in my blog.  I didn't realize how cathartic it was for me to write my thoughts.  Many people at the funeral asked if I was going to continue.  Several told me they read my blog with their morning coffee every day.  I've decided I will keep it going for myself and anyone who would like to read it.

Two Months.  It has been two months today since we lost Superman.  He is not suffering any more and is enjoying holiday dinners with his parents and best friend, Kevin.  Dana, Daniel and I are making an effort to enjoy the holidays but the hole he left behind is very difficult to fill.

Dana and Daniel are in finals week now.  They are both studying hard and counting the minutes until they can come home.  I'm excited to have them home for almost a month.  We also have 2 new family members that will make the holidays merry and bright.  Teddy and Tess are 7 week old Japanese Spitz puppies.  They bring lots of entertainment to me daily.

This holiday season will be series of "firsts" for us.  The first Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years without Superman.  We feel fortunate to have made so many wonderful memories in the past.  However, we need to make happy memories this year for the future.  Our Church family, neighbors, friends and family are all helping us with that. We feel thankful for them. Until my next post, enjoy the Christmas festivities and hug your families tight.

Solitude

It's hard to believe that Superman has been gone a week. I have lived a lifetime since he passed away in his sleep holding my hand.

On Thursday, October 9th, we had Denny's visitation.  The funeral home did a beautiful job getting everything ready for us.  My wonderful friends, Heidi (sister of my heart), Mary Ellen, and Lori, filled the family area with tons of food and drinks. The flowers were lovely and the friends/family were many. Dana, Daniel and I loved hearing the sound of laughter as we greeted each person who came by.  Superman would have loved that.

As the faces of friends and family passed, I was lost in a world of memories that each represented.  We were married for 23 years and I was amazed at the depth our life together.  From the people we have met on our journey to the things we had accomplished, my heart was full.

On Friday, October 10th, we buried him with love in the pouring rain.  Soggy shoes, sodden clothes and bouquets of umbrellas were just part of the process.  His Pall Bearers were: Daniel Woodruff, Ben Woodruff, Travis Jones, Shawn Saale, Jimmy Woodruff,  Randy Lang, John Canady and Ron Reichelt. I watched the solemn faces gather around the one we will all remember; Superman.  Even in the gloom of the day, the beautiful Autumn flowers surrounding his casket brought life and color to this memory.  In the privacy of our last moment on earth as a family, Dana, Daniel, and I placed our hands, one on top of the other, on the lid of the casket and I said, "Once more as TheWoodruff4- We are strong and we are united."

The three of us left the grave site holding hands, knowing that Denny was at peace in heaven.  We went to the luncheon that my sister, Diane, Heidi, and Meg had put together with the help of some of my other old friends, Janet and Donna.  It was all done in Superman's colors: blue, red and yellow.  The food was delicious.  Sharing stories with friends and family was priceless; a good memory to take home with us.   We drove home to Nashville through storms and tornado warnings.  As we walked in the door at 10 p.m. that night, we felt his absence.  We know it is going to take time to adjust.

On Saturday, October 11th, Denny had an extraordinary memorial service at Gladeville United Methodist Church.  I posted a picture of the beautiful flowers that were on the Altar.  Pastor Mark, Benny Jo MacDonald, and Wayne Foster spoke sincere and moving tributes of their relationships with Denny. Jenny Youngman sang and played "I'll Fly Away" in an arrangement I have never heard before.  She is beyond talented and I had goosebumps on my arms from the beauty of her song. I told them of the dream I had about Kevin and Denny just as I had in Missouri.  I hope it gives everyone as much comfort as it gives me.  The service ended and a terrific meal of fried chicken, mashed potatoes and other great dishes were served.  Our Church family did a spectacular job in every way.

Many of Denny's work friends were present.  Denny's boss stood up and said a few moving words in his memory.  I had tears in my eyes when he was through.  The Colonel of the Army Corps of Engineers-Nashville District was there in uniform.  He shook my hand and told me of Denny's influence and positive change he made while working there. I appreciated that.

Sunday came and it was time for my little birds to fly.  At noon, Dana and Dan left for school.  We had a group hug and off they went - with a toot of the horn and a wave good-bye. I was glad they were together for most of the journey back into their lives.

I stood on the sidewalk in front of the house and looked around.  All at once, I heard silence.  No familiar face was waiting for me inside.  Everything looked the same but I knew it was going to be different.  I waited for the sadness to come.  To my surprise, I just felt peace.  Denny isn't suffering anymore.  He doesn't have to fight for life because he has it...eternally.  I feel peace because I know I did everything I could for him while he was mine.  That dream comforts me in ways you can't imagine.  So I turned to enter our house and as I did, I soaked up the solitude.

Peace, love, comfort and a legacy of strength and grace have been bequeathed to Dana, Daniel and me.  The memory of our Superman will always live within us....

Superman's Memorial Plans

Dennis Allen Woodruff

August 21, 1953 - October 6, 2014

MISSOURI

Visitation: Thursday,October 9, 2014

from 1:00 p.m. - 8:00 p.m.

at Pitman Funeral Home

1545 Wentzville Parkway

Wentzville, MO 63385

Memorial Service will begin on Friday, October 10, 2014

at 10:00 a.m.

Pitman Funeral Home 

with burial at

St. Charles Memorial Gardens at Cave Springs

Light Luncheon to follow for family and friends 

at New Melle Sports and Rec (formerly the New Melle Community Club)

4700 Hwy Z

New Melle, MO 63365

TENNESSEE 

Memorial Service will begin at 4:00 p.m
on Saturday, October 11, 2014 

Gladeville United Methodist Church

8770 Stewarts Ferry Pike

Gladeville, TN 37071

We will celebrate the life of Superman with a meal afterwards.

In lieu of flowers, donations can be made to: Woodruff Children Education Fund

TheWoodruff4 wish to thank everyone for the texts, facebook comments, and phone calls we have received.  There have been so many offers to help that we cannot help but feel grateful.  The kids and I are putting one foot in front of the other.  It feels surreal to us to refer to Superman in a past tense.  His legacy of strength, courage and incredible grace will carry us through.  God is still with us.

"Death leaves a heartache no one can heal,

Love leaves a memory no one can steal."

-Inscription found on an Irish Headstone

Up in the Air...

Dennis Allen Woodruff

August 21, 1953 - October 6, 2014

Superman has taken to the skies and is in flight once again.  At 6:15 p.m. this evening, Denny left for his journey to Heaven.  He slipped away peacefully in his sleep with me by his side.  Funeral arrangements are pending.  I will post info here as soon as I can.  Thank you all for the many calls, hugs, emails, cards, and prayers.  TheWoodruff4 appreciate it very much.  Yes, we will always be TheWoodruff4 as Denny will never be forgotten.  Safe travels, Denny.  I love you.

Keeping Watch

Denny has steadily declined over the past few days.  He has had increased pain due to the rapid growth of the tumor.  Hospice has been wonderfully responsive.  However, today, we had to move him to an inpatient hospice center.  The doctors can manage the pain more quickly than I can at home.  I had to call a nurse.  They had to drive to the house. The nurse then had to call the doctor who then issued the order.  All of that was taking too long.  Katherine, the hospice nurse we had today was so efficient.  We had an ambulance at the house and Denny was on his way.

The facility we are in is beautiful and serene.  Denny is very comfortable.  I'm by his side keeping watch.  They say he is near the end of this journey.  God is waiting for him.  Superman is waiting to fly once more.

I love you, Denny.

Peace On Earth

Denny is quickly slipping away.  He has been sleeping around the clock.  This morning we had to give him his pills with Jello because he couldn't swallow them with water.  This brilliant idea was from BJ, my neighbor.  By this afternoon, he couldn't swallow even with the jello.

Sandy, our hospice nurse, came out to take a look at him.  She said he has declined very quickly and has ordered a morphine pain pump so that I don't have to worry about getting the pills down.  She also said that only God knows when it is Denny's time but based on her years of experience, she feels we will be lucky to have him through the weekend.  She said if the pain pump can keep him more comfortable he may have a few days longer.  Both the hospice nurse and the hospice Doctor feel the tumor is growing bigger at the base of his skull.  He is having small seizures that cause him to jerk and twitch. This is caused from the tumor growing toward his brain.  I have liquid medicines that I will be giving him every 2 hours throughout the night.

Dana and Daniel will not be coming home this weekend.  TheWoodruff4 have handled this cancer fight for 10 years.  The kids were able to spend time one-on-one with their Dad at the hospital to say the things that were in their hearts.  Denny was given the same opportunity.  Going to Auburn was his Swan Song.  He was able to say good-bye to his children on his own terms in his own way.  They want to remember him that way.  I know there are others out there that do not agree with how we have decided to handle this.  We ask that you not criticize our family's decisions but respect our desire to say "good-bye" in a manner that works for the 4 of us.

I spent most of this afternoon sitting with Denny in our bedroom. The house is clean and quiet.  Our dog is sleeping on our bed.  I hear the cadence of the clock: tick tock tick tock in soothing repetition.  Denny's face is peaceful.  The window was slightly open so that he could hear the warble of the bird song.  What a strangely beautiful experience his end-of-life journey is.  We are covered with tranquility like a blanket in our little world; just he and I.  Let there be peace on earth for my superman...I love you, Denny...+1