Making Memories

This will probably take forever to load for some of you but I added pictures of the "memories" TheWoodruff4 made this weekend.  First, we left on Friday to go to Auburn for Fall Family Weekend & Homecoming.  Denny and I took our time traveling down.  We decided to leave Toby at home because we figured he would bark too much at the hotel.

We met up with Dan on Saturday morning.  He was dressed in formal wear because he is a fraternity pledge. Denny and Dan were very happy to see each other.  I took pictures of the reunion.  Then we headed off to a function put on by the Ag school.  It was really interesting with many booths and activities.  It was a huge party; lots of food and music.

The game was exciting with the cheerleaders and marching band.  All the fans were waving and cheering.  The sky was boiling over with storm clouds but the good news is it wasn't hot out. There was lots of color and noise and life!

We left after the 3rd quarter so we could beat traffic and have dinner with Dan before he had to be back at the Fraternity for Homecoming activities. We ate at a seafood restaurant and had a very nice time.  Denny was tiring so I took him to the hotel before taking Dan to the Fraternity house.  We made plans for brunch on Sunday.

This morning when I woke up, Denny was sitting up in bed.  He had an odd look on his face.  I said, "What's wrong?"  He replied, "I'm having a little trouble breathing."  Sure enough, I could see where the tumor had grown just from the day before.  If you look at the pictures above, you will see the difference between the picture of Denny & Dan and then the picture of Denny & Dana.  We decided we needed to head for home.  I called Dan and we ate a quick breakfast.  Denny and I started the trek to Tennessee.

We didn't think we would be able to see Dana.  She had a sorority function in Atlanta.  However, Denny called Dana to see if she was almost back to campus.  We figured we would arrive about the same time so Denny wanted to see her.  It worked out perfectly!  We ate lunch with our girl and her sorority sister, Reggie, at Panera's.  Then, we took Dana home.  It was a nice quick visit.  Denny was content because he got to see both of his "babies" on this trip.

His breathing got better as long as he was sitting up. If he tried to lay down, it was more difficult.  He is sleeping more and more as the tumor grows.  He slept all the way home.  I brought his pillow and a blanket in case we needed it.  The pillow came in handy.  He is also having increased pain.  He is up to 300 mg of morphine per day with oxycodone as a breakthrough.  He is eating less and seems to gravitate towards ice cream, smoothies, and cold things.  He says it feels good in his mouth.

As soon as we got home, we unpacked and Denny went to bed.  Tomorrow, we meet with hospice. It will be a relief to know I'll have help to keep Denny comfortable.  If he needs pain meds, they will bring them.  I won't have to drag him down to the hospital to get relief.

As I drove home, a thousand memories flooded my mind: Denny when we met, Denny when we married, Denny when Dana & Dan were born...the list goes on.  While he slept, I cried.  I guess that is cathartic but I'm trying to make myself live in the moment.  Looking too far ahead is overwhelming.

As I wiped away the tears, I looked at the sky of dusk.  What beautiful colors there were!  The clouds were lit in soft hues of pink, blue, lavender and yellow.  It brought a sense of peace as I remembered: God is with us.

In God's Hands

As you know, today was the day we spoke with Denny's oncologist.  It was a moment we both dreaded with good reason.  The appointment was at 11:40 am.  As we waited for Dr. Murphy to come into the room, we felt very anxious.  She came in, sat down, and got straight to the point.  She is out of options for chemo.  She has given him every type of chemo she can.  There is nothing left.

We asked about the drug, Everolimus, that was associated with the gene discovered by Foundation One in the biopsy.  She said, "It has a miniscule chance of working.  Your insurance will not pay for it and it costs over $10,000 per month. It would not be a good medical decision to give you something that has no chance of working."

She also pulled up the information on the MRI.  She read off what the radiologists said.  To paraphrase, it said that the tumor was significantly larger than in the previous scans.  The tumor is growing inward toward his brain.  It is already at the base of his skull, the left orbital bone, left jawbone and moving to the right side. She said all the heavy hitter chemo's have not been able to stop it.  She said there is nothing left in her arsenal of medicines.

After having said all that, she said, "It is time to call in hospice."  I asked if that meant he had less than 6 months to live and she said yes.  Then Denny asked how long did she think he had?  Her answer was less than 3 months. Hospice will come to us.  No more dragging Denny down to the ER in the middle of the night only to wait for 3 - 4 hours for a room to be seen.  They will manage his pain and any other symptoms that arise.  That is a huge relief for me as I am not a medical person.  I do not know what to look for or what to do if something happens.  We live 30 miles away from the hospital so this is a comfort to me. Dr. Murphy is going to have a hospice consult arranged for us for tomorrow or Monday.

Denny and I had tried to prepare ourselves for this moment. It is difficult no matter how much you try.  When the doctor left the room, we hugged each other and tears rolled down our cheeks. Denny is in God's Hands now.

I called the kids to tell them and there was silence on the phone.  I could tell they were trying to digest the information.  I told them, "We are strong.  We can do this."  Dan said, "So this is it?"  I could hear the sadness in his voice.  I said, "Just day-to-day, buddy."  Dana said, "How is Dad taking this? Is he okay?"  I said, "He is trying to deal with hearing he has less than 6 months.  He is doing well considering." I know there will be tears and sadness but these two wonderful kids will rise to the challenge of dealing with this once again.

They both seem to perk up when I told them he was out fishing with his old college friend, Randy.  It was a beautiful day here in Tennessee.  Denny and Randy went fishing and didn't get home until dark.  Even though Denny felt fatigued, he wanted to make some good memories with his friend.  They brought home Kentucky Fried Chicken and sat down with a beer to watch the ballgame.

That is how we are going to handle this.  Put all our troubles and worries into God's hands and live life.  Tomorrow, Denny has decided he wants to use our football tickets to Auburn's Homecoming Game.  So Denny, Toby and I will hit the road for Auburn tomorrow.  Time is short and there are memories to be made. War Eagle! TheWoodruff4 haven't finished yet....

Take a Deep Breath

Denny had a pretty good day.  It was a little tougher than yesterday because the tumor is active.  This type of cancer is extremely malignant and rapid growing.  He feels the bulge getting bigger in the roof of his mouth.  He has increased his pain medicine from 1 pill every 2 hours to 2 pills every 2 hours.  The pain is controlled and that is all that matters.

He is still eating well.  Thanks to my food Angels, we have plenty of soft food available any time Denny is hungry.  Angel Heather brought us "Chicken Pillows" that unfortunately Denny never got to taste.  I ate them all while he was in the hospital so I never had to stop for fast food.  That was wonderful!

He is currently enjoying the banana cream pudding with vanilla wafers that Food Angels Christine and CaroleAnn have provided.  The soup is really tasty also but Denny says the cold pudding feels good to him. Thanks, ladies!

Denny's college bud (and our really close friend), Randy, came down today.  He took Denny fishing for an hour or so.  When Denny came back, he was really tired.  He really enjoyed hanging out with Randy but doesn't have as much stamina as he used to.  He went to bed early.  They plan to go fishing for a little bit tomorrow after we get back from the meeting with Denny's oncologist.  I think it is wonderful that Denny has something to look forward to after that dreaded meeting.

We have gotten cards, phone calls, texts and facebook comments that have been so encouraging and emotionally supportive.  Please know that even though we can't answer every one of them, we truly appreciate all of you.  Your prayers and support make a difference in how we survive day-to-day. Our thanks, also, to the Food Angels of PMAC.  I have no words to describe how your generosity warms my heart.

(To my cousin, Greg, who I believe is reading this blog, please know you are in my thoughts.  I haven't had an opportunity to call you to check on you and your mom.  Just know I think of you often and hope you are doing well. Love you!)

I will keep posting to the blog with updates.  I know our Missouri family members are reading and concerned about Denny.  Please be assured that Denny is getting the best care possible.  We just take a deep breath and take each day at a time.

Love to all,
Deb

Rage

We woke up this morning to a cool breeze and bright sunshine.  Things seemed almost normal until reality slammed into my stomach like a fist.  I felt so sad; tears rolled down my cheeks and into the pillow behind my head.  I thought it was Denny lying next to me in bed but when I turned my head, I was staring into the bright eyes of our dog, Toby.  Of course, that made me laugh! Denny was already up.  I went into the great room and there he was; watching his favorite shows and bidding on an ebay auction.  He smiled and said, "Good Morning!  I feel pretty good today."  As I felt the breeze, saw the sun and Denny's smile, I realized that, yes, it was a good morning.

We laughed a little, talked a little, and just enjoyed the peace of the day.  No, things aren't perfect but that didn't stop us from enjoying the gift of this day.  Denny's pain is controlled.  The steroids seem to be holding the secondary swelling from the tumor to a minimum.  The steroids are also making him more hungry so he is eating more.  Because he is eating, he has more energy.  With more energy, he wants to go outside.  When he is outside, he is in the sun so he has more color. Denny looks better than I've seen him look in months.  Isn't that the strangest thing?

In the hospital, Denny had an MRI.  It showed that the cancer is in his left upper jawbone and the bone of his left eye orbit.  It is also moving to the right side of the sinus cavity.  Until now, it has been concentrated in the left side.  One of the Attending Doctors came in to speak with us.  He said it was a conversation he wishes he didn't have to have.  Basically, he said that there was nothing else that could be done.  Denny's oncologist consulted with this doctor and said Denny had 2 options.  The first is to continue to get chemo.  She has no idea what kind or how much and doesn't have any idea if it will work or not.  The second is to keep treating the symptoms with pain medicine and steroids to give him quality of life until the end.  I'm sure we will discuss this more on Thursday when we see her face to face.  The doctor said that we should be considering Palliative Care to help control his symptoms and this will convert to Hospice when the time comes.

We knew this day was coming but the horror of it was still pretty powerful.  Denny and I were holding hands and we were squeezing tight.  The doctor asked if we had any questions so he answered those and then left the room to draw up the discharge papers.  You could hear a pin drop in that hospital room as the door closed behind him.  Superman and I looked at each other but the words couldn't come.  I put my head down on the side of the bed and just sobbed.  Then I heard him say in a quiet voice choked with emotion, "I'm not done fighting yet." With that, my head came up and I saw determination deep in his eyes.  I have never been more proud of him as I was in that moment.  This example of his awesome courage will stay with me always.

We will see what the oncologist has to say on Thursday but I have a feeling that regardless of what options she gives, Superman has his own agenda.  It made me think of that poem by Dylan Thomas, mainly this stanza: "Do not go gentle into that good night, Old Age should burn and rave at close of day; Rage Rage against the dying of the light."

So, Rage, Superman! TheWoodruff4 aren't done yet!

The Road Home

The doctor just came in to talk with us. His oncologist is booked today in the clinic and can't see us. Denny is going to be discharged today. He has an appointment on Thursday to discuss "options". In the meantime, they are sending Denny home with a pain management regimen that will hold him until Thursday.

Thanks for checking in.

The Perfect Storm

Have you seen the movie, "The Perfect Storm", with George Clooney and Mark Wahlberg? Clooney is a fishing boat Captain and Wahlberg is his hired hand.  They take off in search of fish and end up in the storm of the Century.  A hurricane of epic proportions develops because all the ingredients are there.

TheWoodruff4 are in the middle of our own "Perfect Storm".  All the ingredients for disaster are here: chemo quit working, tumor is growing, pain is escalating.  However, even though our ship is being tossed on the stormy seas, we are still united and holding strong.

Yesterday, I had to work.  When I said, "goodbye" to Denny in the morning, I noticed his cheek was getting red and his left eye was watering profusely.  These are the symptoms that signal the return of the tumor.  By the time I got home last night at 10 p.m., his face was drastically swollen. He was in pain and it wasn't controlled. I called the on-call oncology service and they said to bring him in.  He was admitted to Vanderbilt and is in 11 North, Room 11029.

He was supposed to be going in for another round of chemo tomorrow.  With the terrible reaction and hospital stay he had last week combined with the uncontrolled tumor growth, we are afraid the situation is getting away from us.  It may be past the point that chemo will be effective.  Tomorrow, his oncologist is going to see him so we will have her opinion.  We don't know if he will be getting chemo or if they will be possibly calling in hospice.

With that in mind, I called the kids to tell them what was happening.  Dan got in his SUV drove to pick Dana up and they were home by 4:00 pm today.  The three of us went to the hospital today; totally surprising Denny.  He had tears of joy in his eyes; seeing Dana and Dan in the doorway to his room.  There were lots of hugs and kisses.  Each kid had a chance to be alone with their Dad for some one-on-one time to just say what was in their hearts.

Denny was so happy to see the kids.  I was happy to have our family together in one place again;even if it had to be a hospital room.  It was bittersweet but also a relief because it is time.  Time is precious.  We don't want to waste even a minute together to say the things we need and want to say. Tonight, we felt the comfort of love surrounding us.

Thanks for checking in.  I'll update with information as it becomes available.  Please continue to pray.  God is with us.

Lois Ain't Happy

Denny was finally discharged from the hospital around 4 pm today.  I'm aggravated because he is still battling the gastrointestinal issues.  We are just supposed to "watch" for improvement.  Okay, so the problem wasn't solved and they're really not sure what the problem is, so send him home for us to figure it out?  He is supposed to get another treatment on Monday.  How is that going to work? Lois ain't happy.

On a brighter note, Superman is eating and holding the food and liquids down.  This is definitely an improvement.  He is getting some color back and is acting more like himself; not so lethargic.  We'll keep you posted on his progress on the blog.  Have a great rest-of-the-week!

Fierce Fighter

Here is an update on Superman.  He is still in the hospital.  It was nice to see him eat solid food and be able to keep it down.  Some other gastrointestinal issues are still a problem.  The docs are taking him off of IV meds and starting oral ones.  If the residual problem clears up tonight and his food stays down, he will probably be discharged sometime tomorrow.

He is in good spirits and obviously feeling much better. His color is more normal, although still pale.  The oncologist seems to think the chemo is working, I certainly hope so after the hell he has been through.  His next infusion is September 22nd.  The docs are working on a proactive preventative  plan to address the problems he experienced this time.  The only other alternative would be to stop the chemo and we know that is not an option.

Superman is in good spirits.  He was enjoying the St. Louis Cardinals game tonight and drinking a large vanilla milkshake (with a cherry on top) that his sidekick (me) brought him today.  He is a fierce fighter and continues to battle this cancer every moment of the day.  Thank you for your prayers, cards, and encouragement.  We could not do this without the support of our family and friends. Thank you.

Thanks, Dad!

Denny had an infusion of Irinotecan on September 8th. Since then it has been a battle with nausea and other gastrointestinal unpleasantries. Superman has tried his very best to overcome these issues but we had to get medical intervention. This chemo is so strong and harsh. He has had a very rough time. He has lost 7 pounds in one week. The oncologist is very concerned about this so she has admitted him today at Vanderbilt. They will be giving him anti-nausea drugs and other IV fluids to help get the situation under control.

This morning when we woke up, I could tell he was having a difficult time. I got up, fed the animals and ran to the grocery store for some things that might help. He looked so white and still, it was scary.  As I drove, I could hear myself whispering, "Come on, Superman. Come on, Superman". I want, so badly, for him to fly out of trouble once again. My knuckles were white; gripping the steering wheel in tension. I had silent tears rolling down my cheeks. Suddenly, it was as if I stepped outside myself and looked at the condition I was in.  I could hear my Dad's voice say "Guilliams' don't quit!" Well, Woodruffs don' t either. I went home and got this ball rolling. Denny is now cozily esconced in a private room, drinking Root Beer and eating a cookie. We are not quitters. We are fighters. Thanks for the reminder, Dad.

Angels in Disguise

Denny and I went to see the oncologist on Monday.  He was not scheduled for an infusion; just labs and an office visit.  When the oncologist saw him, she revised her original plan for Denny's chemo schedule.  Instead of having him wait another week for chemo, she decided to schedule him for an infusion right away.  She said the Irinotecan needs time to work.  She felt he was having a "minimal response" so she wanted to get the infusion going.  She said, "Let's give this some time to work."  He will not be able to get an infusion on the 15th so his next infusion will be the 22nd.

Denny is battling nausea right now.  We got some different medicine to help keep his stomach settled.  He is eating soft foods because the tumor causes bulging in the roof of his mouth.  He is particularly fond of sherbet because he says coldness feels good to him. He is doing a great job of keeping hydrated.  He drinks Ensure, iced tea, V8, water, and gatorade.  Those are all good things.

I want to share some wonderful things with you.  First, Dan got a Men's Club scholarship from church.  He can use it to supplement his meal plan so we are very happy about that.  Along with that came an envelope with $500 cash from an anonymous donor for Dana.  We did not have Dana apply for the Men's club scholarship this year because we did not want the kids to be competing against each other. So this generous person(s), wanted to make sure she wasn't left out.  TheWoodruff4 were speechless! We plan to pay it forward.

Those of you on facebook know how much I value my co-workers.  They are such positive and encouraging people.  When I go to work, I know I will come home feeling stronger. They do this for me.

Yesterday, I went to work and was worried about Denny and thinking of how this Irinotecan was making him feel bad.  I guess I was different than usual because my co-workers picked up on it and asked me what was going on.  I told them and, as usual, they surrounded me with love and encouragement.

A few hours later, my friend, Jess, sat down next to me and said, "We want to do something to help you through this. We are going to start making meals for you and Denny to help take some stress off of you." Now, my wonderful friends at church have offered the same thing and I told them things were not bad enough to put everyone to that trouble.  However, my work friends see things differently.  Being healthcare people, they do what they think is best and do not listen to me. Haha! So, my Angels in disguise, have put together a schedule for themselves to supply meals for Denny and me.  I got a text last night telling me when and where to pick them up (since Denny and I will be at the hospital those days).

With all the terrible news we have been seeing lately, doesn't this make you smile? I had tears in my eyes because I didn't know how to thank them.  I'm used to being the help giver not the receiver. As my friend, Sami said, "It is humbling, isn't it, to let people help you? I know because I've been through it too,  Just let people help you,"

I wish I could thank all of the people who have helped us just in the past week. You know who you are!  This blog post would go on forever if I posted all the names.  Yes, we are in a different state from our family but we are surrounded by love.  Denny and I just want to say, "Thank You,"

Somewhere Over the Rainbow...

We went to Vanderbilt today. We were unsure what the plan was since neither of us feel the Irinotecan is working.  Denny's labs came back fine so we went to the Infusion clinic.  Normally, Denny sees the oncologist but today the nurse practitioner came to us.  She said she could see how swollen his face was and understood that we felt it was not working.  However, they wanted to have him go through another treatment because it was too soon to tell if it is working or not.  She said Denny is not the norm.  Most people do not have as quick a response to chemo that he does.  So the fact that he didn't respond as quickly, doesn't necessarily mean this is not working.  So, he got an infusion of Irinotecan today.  We are ready in case he has nausea again.  He has some medication to help keep it controlled.

When we left the clinic, a storm was moving over the city.  The sky was a curious shade of blue.  The Nashville skyline was spectacularly highlighted by the muted sun.  As we drove toward home, a double rainbow appeared.  It was so beautiful!  Denny said, "Wow! I think this is God's way of saying, I'm still here!"  We looked at each other and smiled.

We don't know what tomorrow will bring so we are living in the moment.  We say prayers that Superman can keep fighting.  I see his strength and courage every hour of every day.  Go, Denny, Go!

Thanks for checking in.  We appreciate all of you!