Dear Denny

Dear Denny,

I took this picture when we were waiting for Dr. Haughey to call us with "The Plan" options.  You were sitting there; watching two little birds right outside the window.  You were so lost in thought you didn't even hear the click of the camera.

I held my breath; thinking that this would be last moment in time that our lives would be unchanged.  As soon as that phone call came in, life as we know it would never be the same.  I wanted to know what the doctor had to say but I also wanted to suspend time. 

When the doctor gave us the options, I remember we looked at each other in horror.  How could this be?  Surgery or Chemo - neither were remotely appealing.  The surgery option was ghastly.  However, through the course of events, chemo has become THE option.

Today, when I talked to you on the phone, you said, "If it's my time to go, then it's my time to go."  After all we have been through, this little statement nearly broke me.  I don't want you to quit fighting.  Sometimes, I think I push too hard; forgetting that you are suffering the physical effects of this disease along with the mental anguish it has caused.  You have always been so incredibly strong that I forget even your well can run dry. 

So, I want you to remember when that happens, I'm here to fill it back up.  Dana says I'm relentless when I'm focused on something.  Right now that focus is on you.  You say you are not "throwing in the towel".  I'm here to say "I won't let you."  We will fight this together until the last breath because only then will hope be truly gone.

+1 Always,

Deb

It's a Woodruff Life!

After our adventures at Vanderbilt's ER and getting home in the wee hours of Saturday morning, we have hit the ground running.  Saturday and Sunday were spent trying to catch up after being gone a week.  We hadn't anticipated being gone so long so there was a lot to do.  The grass needed cutting and the driveway had to be repaired and graded due to the heavy rains.

Sunday morning we went to church.  It always gives us a sense of peace; a time to reflect on the miracles we have seen.  We were dismayed to hear that 3 other families have been affected by this disease so after the service, all of the families went to the altar and prayers were said for all.  We were touched by the outpouring of love and encouragement we experienced that day.  Our sincerest thanks to everyone for that support.

Denny is doing well.  Today is the day symptoms/reactions are expected from the chemo.  He got up at his usual time and left the house for work at 6:15am.  I called him around 1pm to see how he was doing.  He said he felt "funny"; something is definitely going on.  He said he had a bit of a dizzy spell at lunch time but it passed.  No nausea at this time.  He took his meds to work just in case he needed them. 

The port is still bleeding just a bit.  Denny is putting bandages over it to protect it from infection.  His nose bled quite a bit this morning so we weren't sure what to think of that.  Obviously, we know now that there is a tumor but seeing the blood can be disconcerting.

As we have always done, we are looking forward one day at a time.  This disease will not take that from us.  It's a Woodruff Life; it's our life.  We are making the most of this miracle called "time".

Today is also special because we are celebrating Dana's 19th Birthday.  At 10:57am this morning 19 years ago, Denny was the first person to hold her.  I'm sure he saw some familiar features in the little face looking back at him.  Some memories remain strong; no matter how long ago they occurred.

I will be posting to the blog as updates occur.  It may not be everyday so please feel free to check periodically.  Please know that we hear your voices and are holding strong because of your encouragement.  Thank you so much!   

Hell on Wheels

I know you probably think the blog title refers to my driving style and you would be right when we hit Nashville last night.  This is going to be a lengthy entry so I'm just warning you in advance.

Yesterday at 7:30am, we were at the Mallinkrodt Radiology Unit at Barnes Jewish Hospital checking Denny in to get his porta-cath for chemotherapy.  Just in case you are not familiar, the port is inserted under the skin with a tube running into an artery just above the heart.  This allows health care personnel to take blood and administer the chemo without having to stick an IV into Denny's arm every time.  There is a 2 inch incision that is on his chest and is held together with stitches and glue. 

After the port was put in, we ate some lunch.  He started chemo immediately afterward at 12noon.  The chemo took about 5 hours from start to finish.  They gave him a hefty dose of Benadryl to decrease the chance of any allergic reaction.  Basically, he slept through the whole treatment yesterday. 

While he was sleeping, our world did a 360.  The ENT's office called my cell phone and said that the treatment plan was changed.  The doctors continued to wrestle with his case even after we thought we had a plan.  Denny is basically in uncharted territory and everything is an experiment.  His doctors are so good; they continue to manage the fluidity by continually monitoring for a better way.  Dr. Haughey (pronounced Hoe-Eee) has decided against debulking the tumor.  He felt that it would be putting Denny through an unnecessary procedure that wouldn't guarantee him any results or buy him more time.  The Chemo doctor, Dr. Adkins, said he needed the tumor to stay in tact so that he could monitor the change; meaning shrinkage.  If Dr. Haughey went in and took part of it, Dr. Adkins would not know if the chemo was shrinking the tumor or not.  So, basically, we have moved to Option 2: Chemo for the rest of Denny's life.

When Denny finished the chemo at around 4:15, the nurse noticed a bit of blood seeping from the port area.  She put some steri-strips on the wound and told us to call the oncology doctor on-call if there was any change.  We left Barnes Jewish and headed home around 4:30pm.

Leaving St. Louis and heading home was a challenge.  In Illinois, we hit a 3 mile backup of traffic as road construction narrowed the confluence of 2 major highways at Mt. Vernon. We got through that, stopped off to eat and then continued on towards Paducah. By this time it was dark and had started to rain steadily. We stopped at Paducah to get gas and off we went; anxious to get home.

About 50 miles from Nashville, Denny decided to pull up his shirt to look at the port site.  When he did, all we saw was a blood soaked bandage.  I was horrified because while Sleeping Beauty rested during his chemo treatment, I was reading the care instructions, "You should not see any blood.". We didn't know if an artery had been nicked or if it was the incision bleeding.  After contacting the on-call doc, we were told to go straight to the ER. 

I was "Hell on Wheels" getting us into Nashville; fighting road construction, traffic and rain.)  We got to the Vanderbilt ER around 11:30pm.  Keep in mind - it was a rainy, Friday night close to midnight.  Vanderbilt's ER was a mess.  They got Denny in and re-dressed the incision.  Then...we waited. They took an xray and saw some fluid in his lung; not enough to be alarmed.  They said it would be reabsorbed.  A new dressing was reapplied and we were sent home.  We got home at 4:15am.  By that time, I had been up almost 24 hours. 

Home never looked so good.  We felt like we had lived a lifetime in just one day.  If we can do that, we can do anything! 

Today, if you could see us, you would never know anything out of the ordinary has occurred.  I had some errands to run at the bank and grocery store.  Denny and Dan are out working on his truck.  The chickens and guineas are pecking for bugs in the yard.  Toby is rolling around in the afghans on the couch.  Supper is cooking on the stove.  We are living an ordinary day in an extraordinary way.  Cancer will find Denny a tough opponent to conquer!

Angels Watch Over Us

There has been a little bit of an update since my last post.  Denny is getting his port put in at 7:30am tomorrow as previously mentioned.  Dr. Adkins has decided to start the 1st round of chemo at 12 noon.  That should take about 5 hours.  Afterwards, we are heading home.

We would like to thank everyone for their comments on the blog, facebook, and texts.  The outpouring of love and encouragement has really made a difference.  A big "thank you" to the Rolla Gang (Bob, Linda, Meg, Randy, Jerry & Mark) for taking the time to get together with us tonight.  It made a world of difference for "Woody"and me.  We love you all!

I want to thank my mom, Sandy, for driving cross country from Missouri to Tennessee to stay with Dan while we went through the testing in St. Louis.  Thanks to her, he had hot meals and good company.  Love you, Mom!  Don't know what we would do without your support.

Last but not least, "Thank you" to Jim and Anita for your gracious hospitality.  We are not far from the hospital and the accommodations have been wonderful.  We love and appreciate you. 

I probably will not be able to post tomorrow.  It will be a long day and I won't have access to a computer.  I'll post first thing Saturday so stay tuned. 

Good night.  Sleep tight.  Angels watch over us...

You Got That Right, Eleanor!

“You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, “I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.” . . . You must do the thing you think you cannot do.” ~Eleanor Roosevelt~

You got that right, Eleanor!  When you are looking fear in the face, this is exactly the mind set you must have.  Believe me when I say we are looking...right now.

We heard from Dr. Haughey about 11:30am.  It has taken us a minute to wrap our minds around these options and to call our kids before posting this to the blog.  Here are the options as they were presented:

Option 1: Surgery.  All the doctors have viewed the MRI.  All are in agreement this is the same type of cancer they have been fighting since 2004.  None felt the need to do a biopsy.  Dr. Haughey said if Denny chose surgery, he would have to have his left eye, left upper jawbone and left side of the roof of his mouth removed.  Tissue would then have to be taken from another part of his body and grafted into those places.  When he healed, he would start chemo and remain on chemo the rest of his life.  Dr. Haughey said they have no way of eradicating this cancer.  It is microscopic and so they will never know if they got it all.

Option 2: Chemo.  This option is just that: chemo for rest of his life.  They would keep trying to adjust the types and dosages to extend his life for as long as he responds.

Option 3: Transnasal Operative Debulking of the Tumor: This option would allow the surgeons to go up through his nasal passage and remove as much of the tumor as possible without taking his eye or causing damage.  Then, after healing, he would have to go on chemo the rest of his life.

This is Denny's decision (and I support him 100%).  His choice is Number 3.  He wants a quality of life for as long as he is here.  So, tomorrow at 7:30am, he will have a port put into his chest for the chemo.  If the surgeon can do the surgery in the next 2 weeks, he will wait for chemo until after the surgery.  If the surgeon cannot fit him in, he will begin chemo tomorrow and do surgery in about 3 weeks.  Denny cannot wait.  The tumor is aggressive and growing at a very rapid rate.

Most people, I think, would be giving up after hearing this type of news.  Don't get me wrong.  This is devastating to our whole family.  However, this family fights back.  Denny is healthy, otherwise, so that gives him an advantage.  We will continue to build his strength; making him strong enough to keep fighting as new chemotherapies become available.  Medical science advances everyday.  He is looking fear in the face and saying to himself, "I can do this because I have done it before."  Dana, Daniel, and I are standing right behind him.  We have not lost this battle.  We have just begun to fight.

Waiting

Jackie from Dr. Adkins (the chemo doc) office called about 1pm this afternoon. She said that Dr. Haughey and Dr. Chicoine were going to meet this afternoon to discuss Denny's case and make a decision. She said we should hear something later today. It is now after 8pm and we haven't heard anything. Apparently, they are still trying to hash out a plan. I'm quite sure that is what is happening as they both know time is of the essence for Denny. Denny & I suspect we will hear something first thing in the morning. Rather than tell us over the phone, I'm pretty confident they will call us in for an appointment tomorrow. I will post on the blog as soon as we hear something. Waiting is the hardest part.

Focused on the Goal

We are still waiting for a course of action but the good news is the PET scan came back clear. I spoke with the oncology doctor's assistant, Toni, at 3:30pm this afternoon. She said that the 3 doctors were on the phone until about 10pm last night talking about Denny's case. Since the PET is clear, there has been more dialog between the ENT and the Neurosurgeon regarding surgery. The ENT is considering a "mapping biopsy". As I understand it, he would go around the margins of the tumor taking biopsies to see if that area was clear. If it is and he has enough room to do the procedure, he may consider surgery. Nothing is clear at this point. They expect to come to some sort of decision tomorrow. We are standing by waiting for word. It will be posted on the blog just as soon as we know. Please continue to say a prayer that more can be done. We are hearing all the love, prayers and encouragement coming through even if we haven't answered. At the moment, we are focused on one goal; to get Denny out of the clutches of this terrible disease.

Living Life by the Drop

We finally have some information on the situation. This is always the worst part; knowing the cancer is there but not knowing what can be done about it. We actually saw his MRI on the computer screen. The tumor is very large. It measures 4.75 cm (approx. 2 inches) and is in the maxillary sinus cavity behind the left eye; moving into Denny's nasal area. That being said, the news was a bit grimmer than we had hoped. However, Denny does have options. Tomorrow at 10am he will be having a PET scan. The chemo doctor (Dr. Adkins) says that he, the ENT (Dr. Haughey) and Neurosurgeon (Dr. Chicoine) all want to confirm that the cancer has not spread anywhere else. Once the results of the PET are known, these become the possible options: 1) If the PET is clear, the ENT and Neurosurgeon will debate whether or not the tumor can be removed surgically. The ENT was adamant that the tumor is inoperable. The Neurosurgeon questions that. 2)The second option is that Denny receive chemotherapy whether the PET is clear or not. Chemo by itself will not cure or kill the cancer. If this option is chosen, Denny will have to be on some form of chemo the rest of his life; however long that may be. We are digging down deep to find a bright side and it is that at least he has options. The worst news we could have heard today is, "There is nothing we can do." We didn't hear that so there is always hope. Please say a prayer that the PET scan is clear. That is the first step in the right direction. When I called the kids tonight to tell them, I said, "We need to stay strong and keep going. We can't give cancer victory over us by making us less than we can be." The Stevie Ray Vaughan song "Life by the Drop" has been in my mind today. Some of the lyrics are: "No wasted time....We're alive today, Churnin' up the past....There's no easier way, Time's been between us....A means to an end, God it's good to be here walkin' together my friend." So where do we go from here? We won't give in or give up. We'll just live life by the drop.....

May the Odds Be Ever In Our Favor

If you are a "Hunger Games" fan, you will recognize the title of today's blog post. Since my last entry, the Woodruff 4 has spent that time getting our battle plan together and gathering our forces. Not being in the same physical place when the news came in was difficult. Dan got home from his Appalachian excursion about midnight on Friday so we were able to talk about what lies ahead. Dana is a different story. Heading into finals and being so far away at a time when she needed to be with her family took a little bit of a toll on her. Justin and I made a quick trip down to Bama yesterday to give her a dose of home. I can now confidently say that the Woodruff 4 is back in Warrior-mode. It took a couple of emotional days to get our feet back under us but we have done it. The update, for now, is that Denny and I are headed into St. Louis today. He is scheduled to get labs tomorrow and then we see Dr. Adkins (oncologist) to discuss what the options are. Denny's team of doctors have been working through the weekend putting together a treatment plan. Hopefully, we will have one in place by tomorrow. I will post it as soon as we know. We will be staying with Denny's sister, Anita, while we are up in St. Louis. At this point, we have no idea how long we are going to be there. My mom is coming to stay with Dan so he will not be rattling around the house dwelling on the situation. Besides, he loves it when his Grammy fixes biscuits and gravy! I'm signing off for now. I've got to get our things packed. So, let the games begin. May the odds be ever in our favor.

Something Wicked This Way Comes...

Something wicked is definitely a way to describe this disease. Yes, the cancer is back. For those of you just joining the blog, the type of cancer is "sinonasal undifferentiated carcinoma"; a rare type of sinus cancer. The "undifferentiated" part is what makes this cancer so hard to kill. We will not be going to St. Louis to do a biopsy. They found a tumor somewhere behind his left eye orbit and left side sinus cavity wall. I don't have a lot of details at this time. We do not know the size or shape of the tumor yet. However, Dr. Haughey, the ENT doctor, is once again at the helm. We have the utmost confidence in him and his team. Denny is one of the few people with this disease to live longer than 5 years. We are waiting for the doctors to decide on a course of treatment. At this time, we know he will be scheduled for chemotherapy. I should hear something by 3pm today. Due to the aggressive nature of this cancer, they will be getting Denny in ASAP. "TheWoodruff4" team is back in battle mode. We are determined not to let this disease win. Right now, as you can guess, we are fighting shell-shock. We thought we would have more good days before this disease reared it's ugly head again. Unfortunately, we are not all in one place together. Dana is at the University of Alabama getting ready for finals. Daniel is in the Appalachian mountains working on a water management system to provide running water for some of the poorest people in Tennessee. Denny & I are home. However, once we get over the shock, we will pool our strengths together as we always have. What can you do to help? Please say a prayer for him. We believe in miracles. They are happening every moment of every day. Please ask God to grant Denny another one. Thank you.

Still Waiting on a Plan

Dr. Haughey has decided that Denny needs an MRI. One has been scheduled for 7:15am this morning. After that, he will go to preregister for surgery next week. Dr. Haughey will be going in for a biopsy and to try to get a better look at the sinus cavity. We don't have a date yet. That will be scheduled today. I will update as the info comes in. Thanks to everyone who responded on facebook. Denny appreciates all of your prayers.

A Test of Faith

I wanted to post this update on the latest with Denny's cancer fight. He has been having problems with uncontrolled bleeding from his nose, swelling around his left eye with constant watering, and double vision. He wasn't supposed to be seen for a checkup until August. However, given these symptoms, the doctors recalled him to St. Louis for testing. It has been determined that his eyes are not tracking the same which gives us chills because that is one of the symptoms he had in the very beginning. Dr. Haughey, the ENT, went in with a scope and has found an area in the sinus cavity that appears abnormal. He cannot see any tumors; just an area of cells that are suspicious. Dr. Haughey would not say anymore than that. I will keep the blog updated with any news we receive. In the meantime, please say a little prayer that all goes well. Thank you.