Have you ever had a nightmare that you couldn't shake off when you woke up? It's the kind that lingers uneasily inside for hours; sometimes days. I was in the grip of one of those last night.
It was kind of like "The Christmas Carol", in the setting where Scrooge is watching his life without being part of it. I was outside looking in on a scene taking place in a funeral parlor. I was dressed in black and trying to get through the crowd to find Denny. I couldn't see his face anywhere. There were just too many people. I started feeling anxious so I looked behind me to see if he was there. Instead, there was a man dressed in an antiquated, black 1920's suit with a coal black bowler hat. He had a little bow tie and a name tag on his lapel. You know, the one that says, "Hi, my name is:" and you handwrite your name in? I was too far away to see what his name was so I started to get closer to him. I also thought it was odd that he was smiling so much in a room full of sorrow. While I was working my way back to look at his name tag, I kept scanning the room to see if I could see Denny. Where was he?
When I got close enough to read the name tag of the man, my heart stopped. Chills went down my spine and the hair stood up on the back of my neck. His name tag said, "Hi, my name is Cancer".
I woke up and couldn't shake the image. I got out of bed to get a drink of water and clear my head. As reason returned, I thought, "Fear is a luxury, Faith is a necessity". (Wow! I have my very own quote to add to my notebook!) However, this is another quote that came to mind:
"What is faith? It is the confident assurance that something we want is going to happen. It is the certainty that what we hope for is waiting for us, even though we cannot see it up ahead." - Hebrews 11:1
I put this quote on our refrigerator to remind me that Denny is going to win this battle and that even strong people can have weak moments. I choose to turn the weakness into strength.
I have always told the kids that you can change your nightmares; make yourself into the hero not the victim. With that in mind, I picture Team Woodruff in name tags that say, "Hi, My name is Winner." Won't you join us?
Love to all,
Deb
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Wow - I can see where that dream WOULD haunt you for a few hours! But you're doing the right thing. Filling in the blank and taking control of that dream! :)
ReplyDeleteIsn't it a wonderful and miraculous thing God did when he put our brain together?
ReplyDeleteNow, not being clinical about dreaming and putting aside the technical, medical and scientific studies and assertions as to what dreams are and why we have them, we DO have them and their content cannot be divorced from our wakeful life and life experiences, i.e., our emotional needs and stress; and many times they provide us with an answer or solution to our trials--an awakening of sorts, many times spiritual. Therefore, it's not surprising you had a vivid dream that involved cancer (we certainly don't have to elaborate on that); it reflected the fear and stress you've incurred regarding Denny's struggle with cancer...but, it also provided you with an aid to help you cope; that is, a divine intervention of sorts that helps you realize that fear can be an ally in spurring your cognitive senses to deal rationally and logically with the situation, and a fuller appreciation and utilization of your Faith to ameliorate your stress and lighten your load.
Perhaps we should thank God for your "nightmare."
Keep on truck'n Deb...and Denny. The road traveled is not always a yellow-brick one.
May our Our Lord continue to bless you and yours. Love Ya