I took this picture when we were waiting for Dr. Haughey to call us with "The Plan" options. You were sitting there; watching two little birds right outside the window. You were so lost in thought you didn't even hear the click of the camera.
I held my breath; thinking that this would be last moment in time that our lives would be unchanged. As soon as that phone call came in, life as we know it would never be the same. I wanted to know what the doctor had to say but I also wanted to suspend time.
When the doctor gave us the options, I remember we looked at each other in horror. How could this be? Surgery or Chemo - neither were remotely appealing. The surgery option was ghastly. However, through the course of events, chemo has become THE option.
Today, when I talked to you on the phone, you said, "If it's my time to go, then it's my time to go." After all we have been through, this little statement nearly broke me. I don't want you to quit fighting. Sometimes, I think I push too hard; forgetting that you are suffering the physical effects of this disease along with the mental anguish it has caused. You have always been so incredibly strong that I forget even your well can run dry.
So, I want you to remember when that happens, I'm here to fill it back up. Dana says I'm relentless when I'm focused on something. Right now that focus is on you. You say you are not "throwing in the towel". I'm here to say "I won't let you." We will fight this together until the last breath because only then will hope be truly gone.
+1 Always,
Deb
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